I'm okay, and that's good.

Transitions are always challenging, for anyone.  The bigger the transition, the bigger the rollercoaster of emotions that go along with it.  And I'm in the middle of a whopper of a transition, so my emotions are all over the place.

Yesterday I went for a run.  It felt amazing to be out on the street with the sun setting just behind the hills.  Then I realized that the poor girl who has been put in charge of keeping tabs on me was running after me in her traditional Burmese clothing and cheap sandals.  So I gave up on the run and came back to my apartment and cried.  I felt so frustrated and lonely and trapped.

When all the students were back in class and I had pulled myself together, I went for another run.  This time I behaved myself and stayed on campus, running back and forth on the football field, and up and down the stairs.  I had a little "Rocky" moment running up the stairs.  I felt resilient and refreshed.

I took my first hot bath in years, and I felt relaxed and content.  And I felt proud that I was able to feel relaxed and content in a place that is so vastly different from home, and everywhere else I've ever known.

This morning I was lying in bed, reveling in the fact that, because it was Saturday, I didn't have to start work until 10:30.  I heard, "teacher?" and went to the door to find the same girl who had chased me down the street.  She was delivering my breakfast, which was nice, but next to the door was the biggest huntsman spider I've ever seen.  Just for the record, I've seen a fair few large spiders in Australia and throughout Southeast Asia, and I'm not one to exaggerate.  It was the size of my hand.  Then all of a sudden it wasn't by my door any more.  I looked everywhere, and finally saw its legs sticking out from behind the towel that was hanging on my wall.  I'm not afraid of spiders, but I don't necessarily want them snuggling up with me either.  While I scrambled to find a glass that would be big enough to trap it in, it scurried (shockingly quickly) out of reach.  At a loss for anything else to do, I sat and drank the coffee that had been delivered, and watched it.  I got the impression that it didn't really want to be here, and I think we were both relieved when it found a space in the ceiling to escape through.

I was a little disconcerted, but it was nothing I wasn't going to be able to shake off pretty quickly and easily.  I got dressed, and went to wash my breakfast dishes.  The tray is too big to wash in my little bathroom sink, and that's my only sink, so I took my dishes to the bathtub, where I found a little scorpion.  Spiders might not bother me too much, but scorpions do.  I'm a Michigan girl, and until this morning I didn't have any experience with scorpions.  Thankfully, it was trapped in the tub, so I had time to put a shoe on and muster up some courage before I stomped the shit out of that thing.

 I don't know what I felt.  I know I was shaking.  I think I felt a funny mixture of freaked-the-fuck-out and numb.  I wasn't about to quit my courageous three month adventure after one week because of a couple of little critters, but after a couple of tough days of adjustment, I wasn't feeling very inspired to stay, either.  My apartment was my sanctuary.  It's not especially cute, but it's mine, and it's the only place where I feel (or felt) comfortable in such a strange land.


Then I went to teach the teachers.  They were incredibly welcoming and happy to work with me.  I felt valued and appreciated, and that helped to ease my anxiety after my crazy morning.

My new friend Julia and the insect repellent

This evening I stopped by the staff room, where they had a bucket of stuff burning in the room.  I asked if it was for bugs, and went on to tell them about my morning.  They seemed quite surprised about the scorpion, which made me feel better.  At least they're not an entirely common sight.  A really nice young teacher named Julia brought the bucket of burning stuff to my room, and we let it burn for awhile.  While it was burning, we got to talking.  Her English is quite good, and she gave me her number and told me I can call her any time.  I think we might be friends.  I felt relieved, and even excited, to have a friend here that I might enjoy spending time with.

Right now, I feel okay.  It's been a rollercoaster couple of days, but right now I feel okay.  There are still remnants of the frustrated, lonely, trapped feelings I had when I wasn't allowed to leave, because I'm not quite allowed to leave yet.  But I'm also still feeling resilient.  I'm still a little uneasy about the critters I encountered this morning, but that's tempered by the professional and personal connections I've made since then.

So, I'm okay.  And for me, right now, considering all the cultural changes I'm adjusting to and creepy crawly things I've encountered, okay is good.